It is a special thing of human existence. Although we have free egos, we still feel anxious. We doubt ourselves about why we “exist”, and where are the real us. It seems that there is no correct answer to these questions. However, human beings are social animals so that we would definitely meet with anyone in our lives. In the process of constructing ourselves, we gaze on ourselves and others to fine the way of identify ourselves.

By reading related publications, this thesis is to discuss the meaning of the existence, and the source of anxiety which come from the freedom and self conscious. Through literary reference of Jacques Lacan's “mirror stage”, the writer discuss the imaginative relationship between the process of constructing self and the gaze of others. From the very beginning, the ego was been existing as “autre”, we construct identification with others, and then discloses a self-complete. The writer reflect the image by watching those events which happen in her daily life, and express them by creating paintings.

The writer studies her painting works since 2012 until now, analyzing her creative thinkings, the contents and forms in her works. Also, she finds connections between the sense of fear in her works and “grotesque” style in history of art. Moreover, she further discusses about her development of “self-image”, from the experimental of materials to the forms of image transformed complete shape to blurry shape. Furthermore, she puts the space concept into her works. Lastly, she returns back to a way of intuitive creation.